by Brandon Walsh
On August 9, Scientology held a black-tie Gala to glorify 39 years of the Celebrity Centre in an attempt to improve their sagging image worldwide. While only about half of the anticipated 1,500 guests attended, Anonymous was lining the streets in colorful evening wear and their signature masks to inform the arriving guests about Scientology’s human rights abuses, suppression of free speech and criminal malfeasance.
HOLLYWOOD, CA–In an attempt to improve their sagging image worldwide Scientology held a black-tie gala on saturday August 9 to glorify 39 years of the Celebrity Centre. Though only about half of the anticipated 1,500 guests attended, Anonymous was lining the streets in colorful evening wear and their signature masks to inform the arriving guests about Scientology’s human rights abuses, suppression of free speech and criminal malfeasance.
At the event began at 6pm with Scientology celebrities like Tom Cruise, Beck and John Travolta on hand planning to rub elbows with government officials and members of the entertainment industry Scientology would like to influence. Unfortunately, despite the star power, attendance was surprisingly low. A number of Los Angeles City Council members declined the invitation, citing “prior commitments,” while the majority of guests seemed to be local Scientologists, some arriving on foot. Only three limousines were spotted, indicating the low turn out of dignitaries promised in the Scientology press release.
But Anonymous made a huge splash, with over seventy Anonymous carrying signs and fliers to inform the public and media about Scientology’s dark underbelly. A contingent from San Diego came up for the night, plus a London Anonymous member in town on business joined the group and Barney the friendly dinosaur also danced alongside the masked members of Anonymous. The media was also out in full force to cover the event, giving Anonymous the opportunity to inform journalists and paparazzi about the cult’s nefarious actions.
“Most of people have no idea that Scientology has an armed paramilitary,” says one Anonymous. Scientology’s private international navy, based in every country where Scientology has a presence, is known as the Sea Organization, and trains to be ready for attack. Members have signed a billion year contract. Armed members guard at least one of the cult’s outposts in Hemet, California.
Former celebrity Janeane Garofalo, walking by wearing bright green leotards and a bright pink T-shirt, was clearly not invited for the black tie event, but she offered her ill-informed opinion of Anonymous, calling them “fucking bigots,” which is odd given Anonymous’ open support of gay and lesbian rights.
Scientologists themselves hold incredibly biogoted views towards gays and lesbians. In the book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, Scientology founder, science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, calls homosexuals “perverts” who should be removed from society “without remorse,” a view the fundamentalist cult condones and perpetuates to this day.
However Garofalo’s view towards Anonymous was decidedly a minority opinion. Residents of the upscale Franklin Canyon area just north of Hollywood were thrilled to see Anonymous, greeting the protesters with applause and hand shakes, some posing for pictures, while drivers honked their horns and waved. Meanwhile, private investigators hired by the cult and members of Scientology’s private intelligence agency OSA photographed protesters from rooftops and drove up and down the streets snapping picture of license plates.
“Scientology are bad neighbors,” said a woman who owns a home close by. “They chase us on bicycles when we take walks and are rude.”
“Plus they are poor tippers,” added a waiter on his way to work in a restaurant on Franklin Avenue. “Though they do leave information about free stress tests and The Way to Happiness.”
The event, which was approved by Los Angeles City Council after being presented by councilman Tom LaBonge, presented a danger to the residents of the nearby hills, as Scientology’s valet parking staff closed the driveway in front of the nearby fire station, forcing the fire company engine and emergency response van to park on a public street.
“Look at this!” exclaimed a resident, pointing a rented white van blocking a red zone and fire hydrant. “This is typical of their behavior, they act like they own the streets!”
That van and other rented commercial vehicles were strategically placed in red zones to block traffic from seeing the Anonymous protesters. “They were parking vans this afternoon in the red zone in front of our building on Franklin,” said another resident pointing to a three-story building across from the Celebrity Centre, “And my landlady came out and gave them hell, so they moved them.”
The blockade of illegally parked vehicles did not stem Anonymous’ enthusiasm as they danced, waved and passed out fliers explaining Scientology’s deceptive practices including their “drug rehab program” Narconon which uses toxic doses of niacin and saunas in conjuction with Scientology workbooks to “release toxins.”
The Scientology Celebrity Centre event seemed to have caused severe plumbing problems along Franklin Avenue, with sewage backing up in restaurants across the street. As Scientology’s leader David Miscaviage stood on stage delivering a speech which was drowned out by Anonymous’ chants of “Davey, Davey, Davey, cult, cult cult!” city sewer repair began pumping refuse from clogged pipes in front of the Celebrity Centre, filling the evening air with the pungent stench of rotting fecal matter.
“It’s so appropriate,” laughed a resident. “It just shows what Scientology is full of!”